6.23.2014

I'm just not that into it...

Just not that into it...

For most of my life, I've had the badge of "pessimist" placed on me. My mother called me "Eeyore" in high school, and my dad called me "Morticia." Well, I also started dying my hair black around that same time, but it wasn't just the hair...

As I've gotten older, I've made concerted (sometimes excruciatingly mentally painful) attempts to try to fight this label. I've tried to not be so Debbie Downer, and to have a little bit of fun now and then, even if it's not 100% my jam.

However, I've also tried to embrace my inner goth a little bit, to be more proud of who I am, even if it means I'm not the life of the party, and often kind of (but sometimes a lot of) socially awkward. Sometimes I just don't like things, no matter how hard I try! This can often result in gut-reactions from people along the lines of:
"How can you not like ----- ?!" "But everyone likes ----- !!!" "Well, you're just not American (or human, or insert other assorted label here) if you don't like ----- !"
Ughhhhh...
So, at the risk of making everyone around me angry, I present to you a list of things that I just don't like:


Pizza

PIZZA

I've thought about this one long and hard. I can't even give a good justifiable reason for it. I LIKE all of the parts of it: bread, tomato sauce, garlic... except the melty cheese. I think it's the melty mozzarella cheese. But I love cheese in general, so even that's kind of weird. 

Exceptions: Super thin crispy margherita pizza (that always sounds yummy to me), or cold pizza the next morning. Because once it's cold and you can take a bite into it without strings... that tastes great! 

As you can imagine, my dislike of pizza makes me REAL popular at parties, especially large groups of strangers. Yay.

Disney

DISNEY 

Being a mom and not liking Disney is awful. Because having kids = you like Disney? Um, NO. Why oh why can't I buy some goddamn diapers or a tube of kid's toothpaste without there having to be something Disney-related on it? And well-intentioned folks just KEEP GIVING MY KID STUFF WITH DISNEY ON IT. Thanks a lot... now I have to wait until he's napping so I can throw it away without him noticing. I think most of my anger about Disney comes from the fact that it's inescapable. If it was easy to ignore, I don't think I'd be so mad about it. 

Exceptions: Things that Disney acquired after the fact, like Star Wars and the Muppets. Those are not Disney. I'm pretty sure that Disney is dead-set on ruining those for me, too though. Oh, and (for the most part) The Nightmare Before Christmas. Because Tim Burton does not = Disney. It's just an unfortunate pairing. Knock it off, Tim Burton!

Wine and Painting
Look how happy they are to be holding those ugly things.
THOSE WINE AND PAINTING PLACES 

Ughhh... I'm an art teacher, and this IS NOT ART! You just straight-up copied something that the "instructor" made, and it's usually a horrible image - why would you want to make a copy of an artwork that's freaking ugly to begin with? 

Here's a tip: Do you want to learn how to make art and get drunk at the same time? Just come over to my house and hang out. I'll totally help you paint something that's not crap. And also not copied brushstroke for brushstroke from a version that I made. Plus, I've got the good booze.

Exceptions: None. Stop posting your photos of your ugly paintings on Facebook (because I will delete you on one of my angry newsfeed clean-up stints), and stop having your bachelorette parties there. It's just awful. I can't wait for this fad to die out.

Grease

GREASE 

The movie. The soundtrack. The fact that every damn school dance and wedding I go to has to play this music makes me wanna barf. And everyone gets up and dances and sings like it's the greatest thing they've ever heard. Nooooo! I'm down with bad music for cheese factor, okay? But this isn't it. This is just bad, bad, bad. All around bad.

Exceptions: Uh... no.

Butterflies
BUTTERFLIES 

Those ugly flying things. They can't even fly straight, so I can't properly run away from them. If one comes near me, I'll scream and run away like there was a dude with a chainsaw coming after me. I can't even handle it. One time when I was little, my friend and I were trying to catch one in an empty margarine tub, and I guess it was still oily on the inside, because my friend caught it, and the wings were flapping against the translucent lid, and they started to disintegrate. I was horrified. I guess I've never been able to get that image out of my head. Plus, butterfly bodies - the insect themselves - are GROSS! Have you ever looked at one up close? You're welcome.

Exceptions: Fake butterflies. Won't scare me, so nice try. Photos are pretty much acceptable, too. Anything EXCEPT the real thing. Good lord, no, not the real thing.

So, there's my list... How about you? What kinds of things do you NOT like, that it sure seems like most other people do?

Rock On,
Jen @ Hell Razor
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